Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
I just wanna share this interesting article that I read.. About the guys we like.. *Wink
“Whoever said there were plenty of fish in the sea
was lying. Sometimes, there’s only one fish.”
-Ally Mc Beal
was lying. Sometimes, there’s only one fish.”
-Ally Mc Beal
I realized that if a guy wants to be with you, he will let you know.
You won’t have to send him a text message by mistake or “suddenly”
Show up at his fave gimmick place or plan a “chance” encounter.
If he was really into you, he’d take every possible chance to see you.
Moral of the story? Stop analyzing or agonizing over his so-called moves.
If he’s not asking you out, chances are, he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material.
Normally, guys would choose to walk on a tightrope than tell you they don’t like
you. But this is what you have to do. Yes, you may give yourself time to mope
but do not EVER think that something is wrong with you. When a guy you’ve
spent an awful time a lot of time flirting or bonding with suddenly disappears,
all your insecurities seem magnified. Your hips get bigger, your zits multiply or
your hair become frizzier. Don’t let it get you. No, you don’t have to change
anything. You get along well with guys and friendship is never a bad thing.
It’s just that you’re not his type. The truth is always hard to swallow.
Don’t feel bad. You are wonderful in your own way. Move on and find the guy
who will see that even on your I-feel-ugly days.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. What if he’s just busy? Or what if he’s
just not ready for a relationship? Or he’s just torpe? Stop making excuses. Stop thinking
of all kinds of reasons why he hasn’t called, texted or asked you out. One of my guy
friends once told me, if he really liked you, he should have done something by now.
he would have contacted you even if he was “busy.” And even if he’s “chicken,”
he would get up the guts to court you if he was really crushing hard. Don’t give
meaning to every little thing he does. But if you get confused and are not sure
whether or not there is something going on, talk to your other, more trusted
guy friends. Your girl friends will more often than not tell you what you want to
hear or tell you “do whatever makes you happy.” Your guy friends will tell you
the truth. The honest to goodness truth. Sometimes, that is all you need to hear to
open your eyes to what is really happening.
I’ve always been the unbelievably optimistic girl. I secretly wished that this guy I
like would finally call or ask me out. Bring me flowers and all that mushy stuff.
Maybe I should give him some time. Whatever. The only thing I should be doing
is to stop wasting my time on him. Really, spend more time with friends. He may
not be that into you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough to become
someone else’s girlfriend. Just think about it, if you compute the time you waste
waiting by the phone or daydreaming about the guy you’re crushing on, how many
hours would you have spent? Stay hopeful, but move on. If he’ll really be into you,
then that time will come. But don’t put your life on hold and wait for it.
Yes, it’s hard. Even I haven’t gotten over this guy I like. But we have to start somewhere.
You will never move on if you don’t face the fact that Mr. Right isn’t your Mr. Right.
And please, don’t think that it’s the end of the world or you’re stuck there.
Instead of agonizing that you’re not his type, be assured that someone else out there
Will think you’re fabulous-and that’s what you deserve.
Source: Janis Ian C. Gopez’s article: “Always the Best friend”
HELPFUL TIPS From the book of "How to Handle Break ups" by Jenny Manuel :)
1. CRY. The greatest human fear is abandonment. When someone you love leaves you; even if it was for the best you deserve a grieving process in order to move on. Any type of change positive or negative tends to involve some type of melancholy. So give yourself a week.... and only a week to let it out.
2. Allow yourself time to grieve. If you don't let yourself wallow in self-pity for a while and mourn the good times lost, your heart may harden to future relationships and love.
3. DECIDE. As you ease into your second week make a DECISION to get yourself together. Note that word folks...a decision. Making this decision may require a constant distraction so you resist the urge to call your ex...which WILL put your right back in step 1...the grieving process. So gather your druthers and make the decision that in lieu of your ex coming back on hands and knees with a winning lottery ticket in tow you want to move forward.
4. ACCEPT. The drama of the breakup will soon be done and you'll have to regain a more stable lifestyle. Once you've accepted the fact that your relationship is over you'll feel more open to truly moving on. At this point you may decide to start dating...or continue on in another passion such as work or a hobby.
5. Look your best. No matter how difficult it feels to do so. You already feel awful, looking frumpy (or dumpy) is only going to make you feel worse. Do not opt for the sweatpants and dirty or oversized t-shirt. Do not go without your make-up and do not decide to go off your diet. Deal with the stress by exercising. Deal with the stress by buying a FEW new pieces of clothing. Get a make over. Get your nails done. Get a massage. Spoil yourself a little because you deserve it. Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to look like crap because if you do, you will feel like crap too.
6. Make plans with old friends. Whether your relationship lasted for 10 days, 10 months or 10 years, you probably spent much of your time with your partner and not enough time with your friends. Now is the best time to catch up with them. You should book your calendar (especially for Friday and Saturday days and nights) with get togethers with friends so that you are not sitting around by yourself sulking over the relationship. Don't get me wrong, reflection and alone time is great and important and you should allow for that and not over-book your calendar, but you definitely want to surround yourself with those that know and love you and can take your mind off the relationship and provide good friend therapy.
7. Vent when the need arises. Good friends will let you take out the photo album (again) and cry (again) and rant (again) - and they'll still love you.
8. Don't engage in any irrational behavior: 1) No new haircuts; 2) No binge spending (no, you don't need those shoes, that huge piece of exercise equipment or that car); 3) No binge eating; 4) No phone calls to the ex; 5) No phone calls to the ex ex; 6) No drive by's of the ex's apartment; 7) Don't plan any "accidental" run-ins with the ex, or Do not go out every night and get trashed and run into his or her friends. This is YOUR time. Make the most of it.
9. Read those books that everyone recommends to you, browse the bookstore and pick one up; 5) Get coffee at a new coffee shop, you've driven by it before, now is the perfect time to stop in and check out the vibe; 6) Find a new wine bar and sit at the bar and drink wine and read your new book or write in your journal; 7) Go to a park, write in your journal and/or people watch. There are millions of other people out there, and seeing new faces will remind you that there are other fish in the sea.
10. Realize that this sadness will pass.
11. Picture the day when you are completely over them. Move on after a breakup by using the power of your brain to speed the process. It is like picturing the perfect golf swing, picture it and it will come.
12. Get into some sort of routine. Whether its taking a walk every day or going out to dinner with a friend once a week, make sure to set up something you can look forward to every week to get you out of the funk. 13. Remind yourself that you have bigger and better things coming your way. This person was an important part of your life, but you need to move forward and recognize that they just might not be the one for you.
My Overall Tips and Warnings. . . . . . . . .
· If he or she calls, don't play games--answer the phone. Just say that you are not ready to talk.
· Don't bore your friends with relationship talk 24/7. You can talk about the relationship, but you are a smart person and have other things to talk about.
· Write in your journal so that you can remember these sad and confusing feelings. Write down the good and bad about the relationship and your oldest memories of your time together. It will be cathartic. Write down the 10 best things about him/her and the 10 worst things. You will be surprised about many things probably annoyed you!
· Do NOT share negative or private things about your ex with other people just because you are hurt right now. You should focus on the positive and be fortunate that you shared time together and be fortunate that you are moving on and growing from the experience. · Remember that spending time alone is healthy and it doesn't mean that you miss him/her just because you are bored.
· Being sad after a break up is normal and the pain will go away.
· If you feel the urge to call your ex, write in your journal or call your friends instead.
· Keep in mind that clean breaks are generally better than those mini-breaks or sort-of breakups that are a bit easier to deal with at the time. Upon breaking up, attempt to resolve lingering issues, then take some time away from each other, even if you intend to remain friends.
· Never sleep with an ex unless you like to torture yourself.
· While you're upset, don't do anything you'll regret later. The transition back into single life is a highly vulnerable time. Get support from your friends.
· Don't drink and dial. Have a friend guard your phone if you do go out drinking.
· Don't drink by yourself. You'll only become more sad and depressed.
· Relish in the fact that you are on your own. Independence is a blessing; having your whole life ahead of you and no one to answer to is liberating and shouldn't be looked down upon.
· If you do drink and dial, you may end up at square one.
· Don't jump into another relationship. Rebounds help no one - someone always ends up getting hurt and you never get over your ex completely.
& the sooner you that its never gonna go back to the way it was.....
The sooner you can move on. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment